Couple Expects Guests to Spend Over $1,200 to Attend 3-Day Destination Wedding "in the Middle of Nowhere"—And Cook All Their Food

RSVPing “yes” to a destination wedding comes with the understanding that you’ll have to spend some amount of money to attend, but this often begs the question: How much is too much to expect of your guests? In one scenario that a prospective wedding guest wrote about on Reddit’s “Wedding Shaming“ subreddit on October 22, 2024, they concluded that spending a minimum of $1,200 on a three-day affair “in the middle of nowhere,” where every guest would have to buy and prepare all of their meals, was overstepping—a request that one of their engaged friends insisted their invitees oblige.

The original poster took to Reddit to vent about the bold proposal their friend made. To begin the post, the OP explained that while their friend hasn’t set a date for their wedding yet, they’re in the preliminary stages of planning their nuptials and have a loose idea of what they’re imagining: a celebration at one of their most frequented resorts with a group of 40 to 60 guests. 

However, this plan has a lot of logistical and financial concerns, according to the Redditor. For one, the potential venue is in a desolate area that requires a four-hour drive for most of the group. Secondly, the venue has an expensive and firm policy on reserving the property for a wedding. “In order to have a wedding there you must book the entire place, which is comprised of cabins and a few suites,” the Redditor remarked. “The cheapest being $300 a night. That’s feasible I suppose for one night but the minimum stay is 3 nights!” 

What’s worse is that after spending hundreds of dollars on lodging, there isn’t anywhere to eat at the resort. To resolve this, the OP proposed a solution: having her guests take on the role of chefs. “There is no restaurant on site and the closest town is about an hour away,” the Redditor mentioned. “So the plan/thought is that everyone group cooks together for the 3 days and also collectively makes the food for the wedding.” 

Since the Redditor wasn’t on board with the suggestion, they let their friend know where they stand. “I told them I felt like it was a lot to expect people to pay that kind of money, stay somewhere for three days and also fully stock kitchens and be expected to make meals the entire time,” the OP said. In response, the friend getting married said they expect every invitee to attend. “They said that if people weren’t up for that they didn’t deserve to be at the wedding,” the Redditor paraphrased of their friend’s comment. 

The OP calculated the cost of paying for gas, accommodations, and food and found that the minimum would be $1,200 per guest—and that’s without factoring in gifts. Given this financial expectation, the friend declined the impending invite. “I let them know I would not be up for that and worry others would not either but they disagree,” they recounted. The Redditor is now wondering if they offended their friend, but they’re still sticking to their original decision. “I feel I upset them by not being fully on board but it seems so excessive and ridiculous to ask of 40-60 people,” they said.

The internet agreed with the OP that their friend’s expectation was unreasonable. “If I'm paying 300+ a night I ain't cooking for a crowd,” the top comment said. “No thank you! You are right and you won't be the only one who isn't OK with this.” Even Redditors who are skilled cooks would have a problem with this. “I used to be a chef and I wouldn’t do it either,” the former cook wrote. “It’s horribly rude and entitled.”

Some even thought the couple’s plan was a money grab. “So what are they paying for? Their room and outfits?” a Redditor asked. “Bar, food and all labour seems to be on the guests.” For these reasons, the internet concluded that most people won’t show up. “So many people are going to deserve to not be at their wedding,” one person quipped, while another said, “She'll find she's going to pay for the majority of it herself and have a whole lot of empty cabins.”