25 Things Your Daughter-in-Law Wants to Tell You

two women having a conversation over coffee — Stocksy

While becoming a mother-in-law will make you feel like you’ve earned yourself a second child, navigating this relationship isn't always a straightforward task—especially if you're trying to maneuver a new mother-daughter connection during the wedding planning process. Plus, since your daughter-in-law isn't your biological child, establishing an open line of communication will take some time until you both get comfortable with your pre- and post-wedding relationship status.

That said, if you're eager to establish a strong foundation with your child's spouse, there are ways to gain your daughter-in-law's trust and, in turn, create a lasting bond. Interested in learning how? The first step is to understand that there may be some things your "new" daughter wants to discuss with you—but is too afraid to bring up.

Ahead, we put together a list of 25 topics, ideas, and thoughts your daughter-in-law wishes she could tell you. Read on for more.

Older mother and daughter spending time together at home drinking coffee and discussing — Getty Images

01 of 25

She’s Not Your Identical Clone

Don’t treat her like she’s a mini you. She has her own personality, her own life experiences, and her own ideas for how to maintain a marriage and start a family.

02 of 25

She Isn’t Trying to Compete With You

If there are moments you feel like you’re one-upping your son or daughter's spouse in order to get your child's attention, she can sense that. Remember, this isn’t a competition.

03 of 25

She’ll Ask for Your Advice When She Needs It

You are appreciated and she does value you. But, be wary of just handing out advice. Only give advice when she asks for it, especially during the first few years of knowing each other.

04 of 25

She Values Your Opinion—Sometimes

Your opinion does matter to her, but only in situations where she feels open to suggestions. Be sure to ask if she wants feedback or your opinion before dishing it out.

05 of 25

She Has a Unique Bond With Your Child

The love your child has for your daughter-in-law is a different kind of love than the one your son or daughter has for you. Try not to feel jealous or like a third wheel in their relationship. Even if you feel that way, don’t let it be known.

Two women sitting at the gym in front of weights — Peter Griffith / Getty Images

06 of 25

She Wishes You’d Reach Out

If you’ve noticed that there’s a gap in the relationship you have with your daughter-in-law, it might just be easier to take the lead and reach out. Make plans with her or make the first move to give her a call or text once a week.

07 of 25

Compliments Mean the World to Her

She might be a little intimidated by you and your opinion of her. A compliment goes a long way, especially if the relationship has been rocky in the past.

08 of 25

Criticizing Her Decisions Never Helps

She can sense it if you're critical of her every move. Even if that’s how you feel, keep it to yourself.

09 of 25

She Wants You to Understand Her Differences

Rather than compare or contrast her to you or your other children, revel in her differences, understand them, and try to appreciate what makes her unique.

10 of 25

She'd Like You to Remember Your Child Has Faults

Nobody is perfect. Your son or daughter has their faults, too. So if you’re brought into an argument, don’t take sides.

Mother of the bride looking at the bride's phone with her — Albina Gavrilovic / Getty Images

11 of 25

She Wants You to Think Highly of Her

There’s no better feeling for a daughter-in-law than knowing that her mother-in-law regards her in a positive way.

12 of 25

She'd Love for You to Communicate Better

One easy way to build a better relationship with your daughter-in-law is to better understand the way she communicates. That way, you can figure out how to speak to her during challenging situations without coming off too brash.

13 of 25

She Wishes There Was More Respect

Respect is something that truly goes both ways. If you’re feeling like your daughter-in-law isn’t respecting you, show respect to her first and see if her attitude changes toward you.

14 of 25

She's Okay With Making Mistakes

You might have your judgments about the life she and your child are living, but after giving advice, let them go off and make some mistakes on their own—especially if those mistakes are harmless.

15 of 25

She Wants You to Stop Testing Her

Take a step back and see if you’ve been doing things over the years to test her. If so, put an end to it because it’s leaving dents in your relationship.

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16 of 25

She Doesn't Like When You Show Up Unexpectedly

A simple way to foster respect with your daughter-in-law is to call before you swing by and say hello. Or, if she and your child are in the midst of wedding planning, make them aware that you want to join them on an appointment or to see a wedding vendor instead of just showing up unexpectedly.

17 of 25

She'd Appreciate If You Worked Harder on Cultivating a Relationship

Relationships take two people who are willing to put in the time and energy to make them thrive. If the relationship is feeling stale between you and your daughter-in-law, find ways that you can work a little bit harder to make it great again.

18 of 25

She Wishes You Wouldn’t Make Her Partner Pick Sides

When arguments arise between you and your daughter-in-law, try not to put your child in the middle. If you notice that’s happening, put an end to it, as it’s extra damaging to the relationship.

19 of 25

She Wants to Confide in You

As much as you might not think this to be true, your daughter-in-law does want to confide in you about certain things. She just wants to make sure you’re not going to tell her partner exactly what she said.

20 of 25

She Would Love to Host a Holiday—or Two

One of the biggest joys your daughter-in-law might be excited about is hosting a holiday at her place. Talk to her about that and if it’s true, let her host a holiday or two next year.

Mother and daughter having pastry in cafe — Getty Images

21 of 25

She'd Like You to Understood That She’s Not a Child

Even though she's younger than you, try not to discredit her life experiences and how she’s wise in her own ways.

22 of 25

She Hates When You Talk Behind Her Back

Being a good mother-in-law is just like being a good friend. Resist the temptation of talking behind your daughter-in-law's back.

23 of 25

She Doesn't Want You to Act Like Her Mother

While it might be hard to agree to this, being a mother-in-law isn’t exactly like being a mother. Be there for your daughter-in-law only in the ways she needs you to be there for her.

24 of 25

She Wishes You’d Stop Pushing Your Family Traditions

Write down a list of all your meaningful family traditions and choose one or two that you’d like the couple to continue within their union, but that’s it. Also, be respectful if they choose not to embrace any of your suggestions.

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