Bride's Future Mother-in-Law Goes Behind Her Back and Orders a Bridesmaid Dress After She Was Told to Choose Something Else

Most brides who have a bridal party ask that their bridesmaids wear a certain style or color dress to their wedding, so they’ll stand out from the rest of the guests. When one bride selected a dusty pink hue for her crew to sport at her nuptials, her future mother-in-law ended up ordering a gown in the same tone—even though the bride outright told the mother of the groom that the option wouldn’t work. 

The woman explained to Reddit’s “Am I the A------“ on November 17, 2024, that she is set to tie the knot with her fiancé, who she’s been dating for 12 years, on May 5, 2025. As a way to save money and express her creativity, the bride revealed that she’s handling and funding most of the planning herself. While most of the process has been relatively seamless, one roadblock regarding her wedding party’s attire recently popped up and has caused a bit of contention in her family.

The original poster had a certain color scheme in mind for her wedding party’s attire: various shades of pink and white. The bride asked that her future mother-in-law wear a dark pink shade for her big-day outfit. “I told her she could pick her own style dress but that’s the color I would like for it to be,” she added. When the mother of the groom began her search, she found a dress in the correct tone, which the bride approved. As she continued online shopping, she discovered another dress in the same shade of dusty pink that her bridesmaids will be wearing to the wedding. “I politely tell her that’s the dress I picked out for the bridesmaids, please pick something else,” the bride shared.

Even though the bride shut down the getup, her future mother-in-law went behind her back while she was in the bathroom and asked her son which gown he liked better: the dark pink or the dusty pink. “When I came out he picked the bridesmaid dress that I had showed him and clearly told her no to and she had agreed with him and ordered the dress,” she continued. 

After explaining to her fiancé that the dress his mom ordered will match with her bridesmaids' attire, he said he’d talk to her. When the mother of the groom called her future daughter-in-law to discuss the mishap, she implied that she had no intentions of returning it and finding another gown in the correct hue. The bride summarized her fiancé’s mother’s excuse: “Oh I already ordered it is there any way I can keep it since I don’t have much money to order another dress...But each time I look for an other dress it’s like I had my mind set up on that one for them and now I have to figure it out.” In her perspective, the bride's future mother-in-law was deflecting the blame.

Since the mother of the groom wouldn’t budge, the bride said she’s now trying to find a new color for her bridesmaids to wear. “I spoke to my mom and my bridesmaids, and tried to go back to the drawing board but just thinking about it makes me so upset,” she admitted. She also voiced her concerns to her fiancé. According to her post, her future husband responded by asking why she’s “being so difficult, and he minimized her feelings by saying, “It’s just a dress.” Then, in an “annoyed tone,” he told her that he’ll ask his mom not to wear the dress and to buy another—just so she can stop “complaining about it,” per the Reddit post. She then pressed further, wondering why he told his mom to wear the dusty pink gown when he knew the color was off limits. “He claimed he forgot & apparently I’m being the problem… and causing friction,” she said. 

Reddit told the woman writing in that she is an innocent bystander in this situation. Many vilified her future mother-in-law for completely ignoring her stance on the dress. “MIL knew exactly what she was doing,” one Redditor suspected. “She waited until you went to the bathroom so she could ask her son. I would bet that she led him to choose that particular dress. She knew that it was the BM dress and decided to use this as some sort of power play.” 

Many encouraged the bride to refrain from accommodating the mother of the groom by adjusting the bridesmaids’ attire. “But why are you engaging?” someone asked. “Don’t change anything. Let her wear the same dress as the bridesmaids.” Another person reassured her, “On the bright side, she’ll look absolutely ridiculous and pathetic dressed up like a bridesmaid. It won’t make you or your wedding look bad at all like it might if she wore white or something that clashed, but people will think she looks silly.”

A lot of Redditors who responded pointed out that her fiancé is just as blameworthy for completely dismissing her feelings and siding with his mom. “It’s a major problem that your fiancé doesn’t have your back and won’t stand up to his mother on your behalf,” one individual wrote. As a potential solution, another Redditor suggested that the bride delegate the task to her fiancé. “In the meantime, since your fiance doesn't think it's a big deal to pick new bridesmaids dresses, that should be his new task,” one user advised. “Let him know the color, price, and general style and give him a deadline of when they need to be ordered. He helped create the extra work, so now he can do the extra work."

Some even asked the bride to reconsider marrying him since it’s a sign of his lack of loyalty to and respect for her. “Maybe put the plans on pause for now, don’t fixate on trivial things like matching up dates, discuss boundaries and expectations with your fiancé, and go back to the drawing board,” someone recommended.