How to Fill Out a Wedding RSVP Card

You’re thumbing through your mail, bill after bill, when you see your name gracefully calligraphed across an envelope way too nice to be a credit card statement—it's a wedding invitation! Before you start fantasizing about what to wear or wondering what will be served for dinner, you'll need to let the couple know if you'll be present at the celebration. Whether you accept with pleasure or decline with regret, it's important to note that there is a right (and a wrong) way to respond.

Below, we tapped three wedding experts and asked them to share everything a guest needs to know about RSVPing. Here, they provide step-by-step advice on how to fill out an RSVP (whether it's a preprinted card or a digital iteration), what you absolutely shouldn't do, and when you need to get that information back to the happy couple. Plus, they gave a few tips couples can follow to help make the entire process a little easier (and less confusing) for guests.

Which Elements of an RSVP Card Are Guests Responsible for Filling Out?

According to Fallon Carter, the founder and creative director of Fallon Carter Events, guests are responsible for filling out at least three elements of a wedding RSVP card, but potentially more. What are the three absolutely required pieces? "The guests are responsible for putting in their physical name or names of the people who will be attending the event. They also need to identify how many seats they will be using out of their allotment. So, usually there's a saying that we have reserved two seats for you. Are you using two? Are you using one?" Carter explains. "Lastly, they should also be accepting or declining your invitation with a check box or a line that reads, 'Will attend or regretfully decline.'"

Some RSVP cards will also asks guests to pre-select a meal option for the reception or to note any dietary restrictions; in this case, you would also be choosing a meal for each guest attending and/or denoting any allergies or food restrictions for each guest, Carter explains.

Heather Wiese Alexander, is a modern etiquette expert and the founder and creative director of the stationery brand Bell’INVITO, notes that it's considered good etiquette to also add a short personal note to the couple. This can be as simple as "We can't wait to watch you say 'I do!'" if you're attending or as descriptive as "We're so sorry we can't make it—we have a prior obligation that day but are sending you love and best wishes from afar!" if you can't join the party.

How to Fill Out an RSVP Card 

Before putting pen to paper, it’s helpful to first understand the form and function of invitation response cards. Your host is going to use the information you give them to finalize their catering count, create a seating chart, and address you properly on place cards, escort cards, or personalized favors.

Kentris notes there are several common RSVP card styles that he is asked to create: those with a preprinted response card, those without a preprinted response card, and those without any response card at all.

How to RSVP on a Preprinted Response Card 

“The most traditional [style] is where we have space for guests to write in their names...the second is a more restricted version where the hosts of the event will write in the guest names on the RSVP and how many guests they can bring (this is more so in cases of families with kids),” says Jordan Kentris is a graphic designer and founder of A Good Day, a stationery and branding agency for weddings and events.

On these cards, if there is an “M” preceding a blank space, your social title (Mrs./Mr./Ms./Mx.) goes first followed by your full name. Wiese Alexander advises writing your name exactly as it was written on the envelope. This means if the envelope is addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Smith, the response line should state, “Mr. and Mrs. Smith…”; this also indicates that just two guests were invited to the celebration. I the envelope is addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Maggie and Drew,” then the response would include: “Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Maggie and Drew...”; in this scenario, the couple and their two children would have been invited.

Use a number as opposed to a checkmark to confirm your response. For example, ___ accept and ___ regret would be filled out as _2_ accept and _2_ regret if the kids aren’t coming. Should an entrée selection be included, the choices should be initialed by the guest, so the host knows exactly who is getting what. 

How to RSVP When There's No Preprinted Response Card

Kentris calls this option “a more free-form style,” where a blank card is included to allow guests to write a personal message. Some couples may add a prompt at the top to guide guests on what they hope to receive back, be it well wishes, song requests, or attendance. Wiese Alexander states that this is actually the more traditional approach to the RSVP—it’s a bit more old-school, but it is proper etiquette. 

On these replies, you want to include your full name and how many are coming in a full sentence as if you were speaking directly back to the host, matching the host’s formality. If addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Maggie, and Drew, an ideal reply could be: “Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Maggie, and Drew will attend. The four of us wish everyone the best and look forward to joining you in May.”

How to RSVP When There's No Response Card at All

Some wedding invitations forego the RSVP card entirely. Kentris says this is another common style he sees, and instead of a response card, they may include a “details” card with a wedding website where you'll RSVP digitally. If there's nowhere to RSVP at all, what should you do? Wiese Alexander says this is where you follow the leader, and only respond in the manner that is asked. “If an email is left as a method of reply, don’t shoot your friend a text. It’s daunting to host a party, and even more so when guests are sending info from all different directions.”

If a formal invitation says “kindly reply” with nothing more added, it’s time to break out your own stationery. Use the same approach as the preprinted response card but add another line and make it more personal. This might seem uncommon or intimidating, but Wiese Alexander notes that it was once considered garish to include a reply card as the proper host would assume their sophisticated guests know how to RSVP, of course. “This is hardly ever employed [now],” she says. “But you might come across a nostalgic host or two—and now you know what to do.”

How to Complete a Digital RSVP

In our modern world, more and more couples are taking their RSVPs digital, and Carter is fully on board with the trend. "You can still have the traditional format of a really beautiful invitation, [but asks guest to] go onto a website to RSVP. It will save you so much time," Carter explains. She notes that these digital RSVPs should be filled out the same way as a classic card. "You should still make it pretty straightforward and really, really clean, so that people understand what they're filling out. This should still be the guest names, how many people are attending, if they're attending at all, and potentially their meal choice and dietary restrictions."

An added benefit to digital RSVPs? You can collect far more information without making things confusing for guests. It's easy to add sections for transportation ("Do you intend to take our shuttle to and from the ceremony and reception?"), if they've booked a room in your hotel block ("Are you staying at X hotel? What day do you check in?"), and whether or not they'll attend related events ("Will you join us for our welcome party? Should we save a seat for you at brunch?"). This makes planning everything—from choosing the correct size shuttle and how many trips it needs to make to planning your welcome bag delivery—so much easier.

When to Send Back Your Wedding RSVP Card

As soon as possible. “My advice—take no longer than one full weekend to make your plans and respond,” Wiese Alexander says. What should you do if you miss the RSVP date? “First and foremost, don’t assume you’ll be accommodated—that ‘respond by’ date is in there for a reason!” But these things happen, so she advises calling the hosts as soon as you realize you’ve missed the date, so they have an accurate headcount. Then, send the RSVP note anyway—especially if the host has already made the effort to include the response card (with postage). Plus, many couples keep their RSVP notes as keepsakes (more on that later). 

On the other side, Carter recommends couples set an RSVP by date of six weeks before the wedding. Because catering teams generally need a final headcount two to four weeks ahead of the big day, this timing will give you enough buffer room to track down later RSVPs.

And, whatever you do, do your very best not to be a no-show guest: Before you RSVP, check for possible conflicts and ensure you're actually available on the big day.

Wedding RSVP Etiquette Tips 

If you’re still looking to brush up on your RSVP etiquette, our experts shares more tips below. No matter the style, the pros advise that the most important thing is to just make sure you respond, s'il vous plaît. 

Remember Your Name

Don’t forget to add your names, Wiese Alexander urges. It’s amazing how many people forget about writing this important detail when filling out an RSVP card, but it's the only way a couple will know who is attending. As an added security measure, Carter notes that couples could add a simple, discreet "key" to the back of each card. Before mailing invitations, assign each guest (or family) a number; then, on the back of the RSVP card, add that number—as small as you can make it—to a corner. If you receive any nameless RSVP cards, Carter explains, simply consult your key and you'll know whois (or isn't!) attending.

Use Numbers, Not Checkmarks

Guests respond with a checkmark where a blank is provided, but you should be using numbers instead, Wiese Alexander explains. A checkmark doesn’t clarify the number of guests, which is really what the host needs. If you have mixed attendances—say, the parents are attending but invited children are not—denote who is and isn't coming with initials beneath the numbers.

Commit to Your Plus-One

If you are invited to bring a plus-one, it is advised to include that person's full name at the time of your response. Wiese Alexander says. That's right: You have to commit to your date in order to respond.

Opt for Ink

A pencil may smear too easily, so many will prefer a pen and either blue or black is fine, Wiese Alexander suggests. While other colors could come off as juvenile, everyone’s individual character is more appreciated these days, so if you use a signature purple-ink pen for all your writing, by all means, use it here, too. 

Make It Personal

This is etiquette 101—and the most often missed opportunity to shine. Think of the response card as a note, not a form, and write a few sentences in your reply, says Wiese Alexander. Thank your host, send well-wishes to the couple, be encouraging, be yourself—this isn't a formality requiring stodginess. Couples love to hold on to these and look back at all the excitement. 

Disclose Allergies (Not Preferences) 

If you have an allergy that may result in a medical issue, it’s advised to call the host after you RSVP, explains Wiese Alexander. As the host is likely overwhelmed, it’s a nice gesture to offer to contact the planner or caterer yourself to disclose serious allergies and discuss options. If it’s simply a dietary preference or a sensitivity, it’s best to simply try and go with the flow.