7 Things Long-Lasting Couples Do on Their Wedding Day, According to Experts

If couples could plan their marriage with the same precision they use to plan their wedding, then the stressors and challenges that come along with 50 years of wedded bliss could all be mitigated in advance. (Just imagine having a planner who could help you deal with job losses, financial stress, and mid-life crises as easily as she moved your outdoor ceremony inside when the weather shifted as your guests arrived!) But here's the reality: Decades of married life will bring a slew of ups and downs, no matter how much a person tries to "prepare" in advance—some that couples are able to withstand, and some that may challenge an individual's vows.

That being said, there are certain wedding day practices that point towards a healthy and forever union. While no single wedding day behavior guarantees a happily ever after, couples with the strongest foundation, best communication, and closest connection often make similar choices during their ceremony and reception. What are those choices? Here, we tapped two experts to break down seven things long-lasting couples do on their wedding day, from carving out alone time throughout the celebration to being kind to vendors and staying calm during stressful situations.

They Stay Connected

Though couples are often surrounded by dozens—or even hundreds—of friends and family members on the big day, the unions that last are the ones where both partners are intentional about spending time together. "Couples that last touch base throughout the wedding,” says wedding planner Jove Meyer, who has worked with more than 200 couples. “They check in with each other with a look across the room, they steal a kiss, they bring their partner a drink or bite!” he adds. Of course, in an ideal situation, you wouldn’t even split up, says relationship expert Wale Okerayi, LMHC, LPC. “I believe that the couple should have a rule where they don't leave each other—and they assign one of their bridesmaids and groomsmen to handle people who want too many pictures,” she says.

They Spend Time Alone

Long-lasting couples also carve out moments throughout the day to be completely alone, like having a private first look (sans the wedding party), spending alone time in a separate room during cocktail hour, or having a personal table during dinner, Okerayi shares. “The couple should also spend time seeing the reception area before anyone else. They can take some time to do a private first dance, making the moment extra special,” she adds. “Before the wedding, I think couples should check in with each other, and after, I recommend that they plan to spend a little time together recapping the day from each other's perspective.” Meyer agrees: “It can be overwhelming and emotional, in the best way, but couples that last steal a moment to soak it all in together, alone."

They Navigate Problems Together

No couple wakes up on the morning of their wedding hoping to deal with family drama, missing vendors, bad weather, or a disagreement—but, unfortunately, it happens. However, couples that can face (and conquer) unexpected problems on the big day (together!) are typically the ones that last. “Couples that last know how to fight and disagree, and they can get to a resolution in a way that is healthy and not hurtful,” says Meyer. “They don't sweat the small stuff: Couples who can roll with the punches and manage stress well together on the wedding day use those skills throughout their relationship.”

The Continuously Show Their Love

A wedding ceremony is a public declaration of love, but the quieter, more personal ways partners show affection on their wedding day are the real signs of a lasting bond. “Couples love each other in various ways, some via words, others through actions,” says Meyer. “Those that last show affection to their partner on the wedding day in ways both small and large, but the most important way is by being thoughtful: with a small gift to start the day, writing meaningful words in your vows, saying you love them, and really giving their partner love in the way they best receive it, not the way it looks good to others.”

They're Kind to Their Families...

The way someone treats their parents on the big day (especially their new in-laws) is an indicator of whether they’ll build a loving and supportive partnership, says Meyer. “How partners engage with their soon-to-be family-in-law says a lot about how they engage with each other,” the wedding planner explains. “Couples who last are sweet and kind to their partner’s family; they make sure they are cared for, comfortable, and included, even if it's not easy or natural to do. It shows a deep love that will last!” 

...And Kind to Their Vendors

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat a server, a florist, or their planner during the day’s most stressful moments, As such, the way someone treats their vendors can foreshadow how they will treat their partner when life gets hard. “How couples treat strangers shows their true character,” says Meyer. “Being kind to the busser at the wedding shows a deep respect for others, which is a key characteristic to couples who last. Kindness goes a long way, and how you treat your staff says a lot about you and how you treat the ones you love most.”

They Stay Present

Couples who last have their compass aimed where it belongs—on the marriage, not the wedding—and center themselves on the love and joy of the day (not whether the signature cocktail is the right shade of pink). “They find time to soak it all in!” says Meyer. “A wedding is not a performance, it is the day you declare your love and commitment in front of the most important people in your lives. Keep coming back to that when things get challenging, or you get lost in the fluff and pretty of it all. Your wedding is many things and contains so much pressure and expectation, but couples that last always center their wedding on the love in the room.”