Man Proposes to His Longtime Girlfriend, Then Tells Her He Doesn’t Want to Get Married for at Least Another 5 Years

In the hours following your proposal, you may opt to celebrate your engagement with family and friends, spend quality time with your partner, or jump straight into imagining what your big day might look like. Even if you don’t start wedding planning immediately, you’ll likely begin discussing concepts with your partner, such as your dream venue, aesthetic, and date, soon after saying “yes.” One bride did just that, asking her fiancé about his vision for their nuptials after his proposal. However, much to her surprise, she soon found out that he didn’t plan on saying “I do” for at least another five years. 

In a post on Reddit’s “TIFU” subreddit, the man explained the conflict—and his reasoning for even proposing in the first place. “My girlfriend (20F) and I (21M) have been together since I was 15 and she was 14,” he wrote. “We have an excellent relationship, we've only had about four arguments in six years, and none of them were serious. I have no doubt she's the woman of my life.” After hearing other women complain about dating for an extended period of time without a proposal, the original poster wanted to ensure that his girlfriend didn’t feel this way. However, he also knew he wasn’t financially ready to tie the knot. “[My] solution was this: I would propose now, but we'd get married in about five years,” he wrote. “That way we could tell people we're engaged, and she wouldn’t have to be a girlfriend for 11 years before becoming a fiancée.” 

The OP decided to propose to his girlfriend while the two were on vacation. “She was extremely happy, cried a lot, and I was happy and cried too,” he wrote. “But when we got back to the hotel, she asked me how I wanted the wedding to be. I told her ‘I don't think it's worth planning the wedding now since we're only getting married in about five years.’ She instantly got sad and went to the bathroom for a few minutes.” After seeing how upset his fiancée was, the user subsequently apologized. “It's clearly not okay I shouldn't have done this,” he said. “I thought she would be happy and understand my point of view (which we still haven’t talked about yet because I'm respecting her space), but now I think I tried to fix a problem that didn’t exist and ended up hurting her.” Upon further reflection, he realized his girlfriend had never complained about not being engaged, and he’s unsure why he thought proposing would be necessary. 

Other Redditors were quick to weigh in on where the OP went wrong. “… Dude,” one person commented. “You just proposed to her and basically right after told her you didn’t actually want to get married.” Some offered words of advice for how to proceed. “OP just explain to her what you just told us, communication is always the best option,” another wrote. “Sounds like you are just overthinking a big decision (like we all do) and maybe worded it wrong or presented it to her wrong. If you two have been constant for 6 years I am sure she will understand what you meant and that 5 years is not set in stone.” 

Ultimately, the user took the recommendations of his fellow Redditors to heart. “I followed the advice from the comments, and it was really just a communication problem,” he wrote. “Earlier today, we talked about it. I explained what my idea was and showed her this post. She laughed about it and said that doing this suits my character, lol. She said she wouldn’t mind being my girlfriend for 10 years because we are still young and it didn’t matter to her.” The two mutually decided that the OP would propose to her again in a few years—when they’re ready to start planning a wedding. However, for now, he wrote that she plans to wear the ring, and if anyone asks about their relationship, they’ll say they’re “getting married soon.”