How to Show Your Partner You Love Them, According to an Expert

Whether you just started dating or you’re celebrating your golden anniversary, being a good partner means making your significant other feel safe, secure, and cherished. The catch? Not everyone experiences love the same way, so figuring out how to show your partner you love them is crucial to building a healthy and lasting relationship. 

Sure, while you could go all out with a fancy date or plan an over-the-top Valentine’s Day celebration, licensed marriage and family therapist Suzy Daren says it’s not just about those big, flashy gestures when you’re in a long-term, committed union; it's the coffee made just right, the back rub after a tough day, or that surprise compliment that makes your partner glow, all done without an agenda. “It all starts with mutual respect and appreciation, which can be shown in a myriad of ways,” Daren explains.

This is also where understanding love languages comes into play. Whether it's through words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, or physical touch, knowing your partner's love language is like holding a map to their heart. It's about making the mundane magical, turning every day into a testament of your love. (Aww, right?!)

Below, we’re breaking down different ways to show you care based on your partner’s love language. Whether it’s via cute Instagram captions, a snuggle before bed, or simply doing the dishes without being asked (the dream!), here’s how to show your partner you love them in the language they understand best.

Understanding the Five Love Languages

Since everyone experiences love differently, figuring out how to show your partner you love them—in a way that makes them feel safe, secure, and happy—is key. According to Daren, the first step in doing this is to figure out your partner’s love language, as it serves as a helpful “cheat sheet” to ensure your partner feels—you guessed it!—loved. 

“The love languages are a succinct model to understand, discuss, and remember the ways that both we and our partners give and receive love,” she explains. “In relationships, we can sometimes have a hard time realizing that our partner is different from us. For example, we may feel loved through touch and affection, while they feel it through compliments and validation. Until we understand our partners' preferences, each person will express love in the way that they like to receive it rather than in the mode that is best for their partner. This can lead to frustrating feelings of being misunderstood and uncared for.”

Think about it: Some people are all about physical affection, while others are more likely to text romantic messages or get their partner’s oil changed unprompted. These are all different ways people show love, and Daren says understanding how your partner likes to receive love is vital to being on the same page emotionally. 

How to Show Someone You Love Them

As you've discovered, the first step towards showing your partner love is to learn what your and your partner’s love languages are. From there, you can tailor your actions to make sure your partner feels validated and loved.

Communicate With Words

If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, verbal expressions of love and validation go a long way in making them feel cherished. Whether you tell your partner everything you love about them over dinner, send them a text ahead of an important meeting, or stick a love note in their wallet to read at their leisure, Daren says being honest and authentic is what matters most. 

“Kind words are always well received when they genuinely come from the heart,” she explains. “When we practice going deep inside of ourselves to express beautiful truths about another, they have the opportunity to feel and know parts of themselves that may have gone unnoticed.”

The catch? Folks who put a high value on words of affirmation can often tell when a compliment isn’t heartfelt, a verbal “I love you” isn’t returned, or a conversation doesn’t have your full attention. That’s why one of the best ways to show you care is to simply put down your phone, give your lover your full attention, and speak from the heart. 

Be an Active Listener

While saying a lot of sweet nothings is great, in order to truly relate to your partner, Daren says active listening and empathy are two of the most crucial elements for healthy discussions and providing honest validation.

Here are a few tips Daren suggests employing to master effective listening and understanding, even during hard conversations:

• Put away any distractions and give your partner your undivided attention.
• Focus on the words they’re saying instead of what thoughts are whirling in your mind.
• Pay attention to their body language and vocal pitch. 
• Take a few deep breaths to help regulate your emotions and delay your desire to quickly respond. 
• Allow your partner to fully complete their sentences. 
• Ask any clarifying questions, and restate what you heard, if needed.
• Strive to understand where they’re coming from, and use “I” statements if the conversation gets heated. 
• Respond from a place of kindness, empathy, and validation.
  

Show Affection Through Actions

If your partner is more likely to bring you a cup of coffee in the morning than text you a romantic poem, chances are their love language is based in action. Even though completing some of your significant other's chores or making them breakfast might not feel as romantic as, say, writing them a love letter, Daren says acts of service help reduce another’s stress, which makes them more open to connection. 

“A busy parent is going to be able to relax more quickly at the end of the day when their partner helps with the cooking, cleaning, and/or children’s bedtime routines, “ she explains. “These acts are a win-win because when tension is reduced, love flows more easily.” 

Here are a few simple acts and small gestures that can show your partner you love them:

• Clean the kitchen or their car without being asked.
• Grab their favorite snack at the store or stock up the fridge.
• Surprise them with breakfast in the morning.
• Wake up early with the kids/pets so they can catch some extra sleep.
• Planning a trip/date night.
• Caring for them when they’re sick.

Whether you whip up something tasty in the kitchen or fill their car up with gas, Daren says showing affection through your actions consistently (and not just when you’re recovering from an argument or celebrating a special occasion) is imperative. “Anything kind that we do with consistency is going to build trust inside of a relationship,” she explains, “So regularity will strengthen the relationship bond.”

Create Meaningful Moments

In addition to small, consistent acts of love and kindness, let’s not underestimate the power of a grand romantic gesture. From candlelit dinners to spontaneous road trips, Daren stresses the value of occasionally breaking out of the routine and doing something extra special with your significant other. This fosters a sense of spontaneity and excitement, both of which are important for the longevity of relationships. 

“Most people will say that their relationships are at the top of their list of priorities, but this is not then reflected when they actually assess how much time and energy they put into them,” she explains. “Our relationships often fall to the bottom of our list of priorities when we don’t actively nourish them, so we must intentionally carve out time to be together—on a daily, weekly, monthly, and annual basis. It’s not enough to just expect that we will share time with our partner, zoning out in front of the television or scrolling through TikTok while sitting next to each other.”  

In order to prioritize quality time, schedule it out just like you would any other important commitment (because it is just as important as business meetings and doctor’s appointments). Figure out which night(s) you can dedicate to each other weekly and monthly, then fill those days with activities you both enjoy. What's more, no matter how long you’ve been together, continue putting date nights on the calendar, and don’t cancel last minute, no matter how hectic life gets. 

Feeling stuck on what to do? Here are a few of Daren’s favorite meaningful date ideas that give you the opportunity to connect and bond:

• Ask each other meaningful questions (and practice that active listening we talked about!).
• Read a book aloud.
• Cook a romantic dinner together.
• Go for a walk.
• Volunteer.
• Go to the dog park.
• Have a baking night.
• Take a ballroom dance class. 
• Run some errands together. 
• Have an arts and crafts night.

Show Respect and Appreciation

No matter your partner's love language, Daren says one of the most fundamental ways to show your partner you love them is simply by treating them with respect and honoring what makes them “them.” “Respect and appreciation are the basis of love and the best way to maintain a strong relationship,” she explains. “When these virtues are disregarded, the container of relating gets cracked and could eventually break.”

The good news? It’s easy to show your partner you appreciate them! Here are a few simple ways:

• Thank them often.
• Show an interest in their interests.
• Celebrate what makes them unique.
• Compliment their strengths.
• Apologize when you make a mistake.
• Honor their individual feelings and strive to understand their perspective.
• Avoid name-calling.
• Be specific about why you love them, and remind them regularly. 

At the end of the day, understanding and speaking your partner's love language isn’t just about ensuring they feel loved; it's about weaving a deeper connection and building a relationship that stands the test of time. Whether through words, actions, or quality time, showing love is an art and a commitment. By focusing on respect, appreciation, and the unique ways your partner experiences love, you create a bond that's not only fulfilling but also resilient until death do you part.