What Makes Someone Want to Get Married?

If you're a romantic, you've probably always thought about marriage to some degree—and wondered about what it might be like to have a husband or a wife someday. This type of partnership is all around us: Whether we grew up around one, watched it unfold on one television show after the next, or learned more about it in our favorite book genres, marriage is one of those longstanding traditions that many of us factor into our futures by default.

Its prevalence (and the fact that being married is a norm in most cultures) is part of the reason why so many of us skip over the reasons why people enter into these unions in the first place. So, why do people get married anyway? Beyond love, of course, there are several factors that range from the sentimental (companionship and family building) to the legal and the practical (think tax breaks, increased financial stability, and medical insurance). But, ultimately, marriage is a deeply personal decision—and a desire for this type of relationship will vary from person to person based on personality and lifestyle aspirations.

To help you better understand the motivations behind marriage, and whether or not those motivations speak to who you are, we turned to dating expert Barbie Adler and licensed marriage and family therapist Beverley Andre. Ahead, they explain why people get married, how to know if your partner is ready, and what to do if marriage truly isn't for you.

The Top 10 Reasons Why People Get Married

Why do people get married? For many, there's just no other type of relationship that signifies a lasting, permanent bond. “There is something to be said about a true union,” says Adler. “Marriage is the ultimate commitment.” Even if you are in the most committed, long-term relationship, there are legal, emotional, and financial benefits to making it official, which the experts highlight below.

Societal Norms and Expectations

"Societal expectations play a significant role, particularly for women," explains Andre. "In many cultures, these expectations validate a woman's worth. There is a social stigma around unmarried women in their late thirties and beyond, often implying that their time is running out, particularly when considering biological factors." This, in turn, often pushes women toward getting married.

The relationship expert further explains that this stigma also impacts men, who are often pressured to continue their family name and lineage. "These societal expectations can affect an individual's ability to honestly assess their readiness and desire for marriage," she adds.

Security and Safety

There are couples who have lived together for a decade who still feel different once they are married. Even after they’ve known each other for so long, they often feel more at ease after they exchange vows. Essentially, many individuals get married because it brings a sense of security; it's a grounding feeling they can’t get any other way.

Companionship

Many of Adler’s clients are accomplished people. They have successful professions, a solid group of family and friends, hobbies, and a life full of travel and joy. But the one thing they are missing, something marriage gives, is constant companionship. “They know who they are, what they want, and are ready to share their life with someone special,” she says. They want someone who will be their best friend and their partner in crime—not just now, but as they grow old, as well. 

Affirmation of Mutual Love

In her line of work, Adler sees how powerful it can be for couples to stand up in front of their family and friends and declare their love for one another via marriage. It’s a way for someone to bring their partner into their family officially and tie their two worlds together. 

Increased Social Status

"Some people get married to increase their social status. In many cultures, marriage is seen as a mark of being a stable, functioning adult," explains Andre. "Being married can increase perceived social respectability, especially if the individual marries into a 'well-respected family' with social and economic access and influence."

Family Pressure

By the time someone reaches a certain age, the marriage conversation is likely a common and recurring topic, whether their single or in a relationship. So if an individual's parents, grandparents, siblings, or cousins are constantly bringing up marriage and weddings, they'll likely want to tie the knot if that's a commitment they're open to.

Religion

An individual's religion can greatly influence their desire to get married, as marriage is often seen as a covenant to fulfill. "For those who are deeply religious, marriage is considered a rite of passage, so remaining single past a certain age can elicit judgment, as they're not adhering to their beliefs," notes Andre.

Family Planning

Yes, it is frowned upon to have a child without being married in some religions and communities. But even if you come from a more progressive world, a lot of people want to be married before having kids. Ultimately, there is stability that comes with having a legally-defined family.

Financial Benefits 

It may seem unromantic to discuss money when looking at the reasons to get married, but marriage is as much of a business transaction as it is a spiritual and emotional one. In the past, families would marry their children to solidify financial and political arrangements. Today, getting married allows a person to share their income, their property, their assets, and, in many situations, it also means tax benefits (states literally reward couples who choose marriage).

Medical Insurance

When someone gets married, they vow to stick with their partner in sickness and in health. It’s also true that a person can share medical benefits with their spouse. Perhaps only one person works or one partner has better medical insurance—if you're married, you get to share it.

How to Know If Your Partner Wants to Marry You 

Do you think you want to get married, but you aren’t sure if your partner feels the same way? Here are some indicators that you two are on the same page about your future.

There is open communication in your relationship.

“The primary indicator of a relationship that is ready for marriage is healthy, open communication,” says Adler. “You want your communication to be transparent as opposed to opaque.” Have you openly talked about your life goals? Does it feel safe to bring up these conversations? Has he or she brought these up, as well? If you can’t have comfortable conversations about your long-term aspirations with your partner, you might not be ready for a lifelong commitment. 

You are included in big decisions. 

“Another gauge is being included and valued when it comes to making big decisions,” Adler adds. Did your partner consult you when buying a new car, taking a new job offer, or moving into a new apartment? If so, this person is factoring you into these forward-thinking decisions, which means he or she wants you around to enjoy their fruit.

You've met their family.

Your partner might be ready for marriage if he or she has proactively introduced you to the keystone people in their life, including family members, close friends, and mentors. It’s a step forward in the merging of two worlds, which is what happens when you are married. 

They have emotional intelligence.

“Take stock of your partner’s emotional intelligence or EQ,” says Adler. Questions to ask yourself include: Are they invested in your overall happiness? Are they vulnerable with you? Do they share their failures as well as successes? Are they willing to put in the work when conflict bubbles up? If the answer to all these queries is yes, it's a good sign that they're someone who can handle the commitment that is marriage—and all the work a lifelong relationship entails.

Why Someone Might Not Be Ready for Marriage

Here's the thing: Marriage is not for everyone. Today, plenty of people choose alternate iterations; they might have long-term partnerships and never tie the knot—or live happily single with a strong group of core friends and family members around them. However, if you do want marriage but feel as though you aren't ready, Adler admits there are a few reasons why this might be the case.

The most obvious reason? You may not have met the right person yet. “[Someone] may engage in relationships where there is chemistry in the moment, but no long-term potential," Adler says. "I advise singles to not settle or stay in relationships out of convenience. It’s a lose-lose scenario for both parties.” 

In other instances, individuals might be scared of the commitment or struggle with it in some way. “This fear can come in the form of not feeling ‘good enough’ or that they don’t deserve to be happy. It also could stem from going through a toxic relationship or witnessing a toxic relationship as a child," Adler says. "I always encourage everyone to examine their past relationships to identify what went wrong, and make it a point to evolve from those life lessons.”