Why Do People Cheat? Experts Reveal the Top Causes of Infidelity in a Relationship

It’s safe to say that almost everyone in a relationship—whether dating or married—has no desire to be cheated on or to instigate the unfaithful act. Yet, infidelity happens—quite frequently, too. According to a study that Statista published in August 2024 after gathering data over the span of 50 years, 21 percent of individuals cheat. While the definition of “cheating” varies from person to person, there’s no doubt that any form of infidelity (whether physical or emotional) can have a devastating impact on the individual and the partnership.

Infidelity usually takes an emotional toll on the one who experiences it. First, there’s often shock that the one closest to them has committed such a betrayal, followed by denial or confusion as they try to grapple with the unthinkable act. Then, anger, pain, and sadness tend to follow. Courtney Glashow, founder of Anchor Therapy, notes that cheating can have long-term consequences, too, like shattering a person’s sense of trust—which takes a long time to rebuild.

Even though cheating is a distressing—even traumatic—experience for many, it’s still possible to bounce back from infidelity. While some decide to end their union, others who are willing to repair their broken bond and put effort into doing so can salvage their partnership, according to Glashow. The relationship expert adds that the unfaithful act can even motivate some couples to tackle deeper issues.

Whether you’ve personally dealt with an unfaithful partner or you’re generally curious about this relational issue, you may be asking one question: Why do people cheat? Although there’s a misconception that a lack of attraction compels someone to commit infidelity, it’s much more nuanced than that. Below, we explore the top causes of cheating—plus, we discuss how to address and cope with the situation.

Why Do People Cheat?

Based on a study in Scientific American, which surveyed 495 undergraduate students at a university in the United States and assessed relationship-focused message boards on Reddit, there are eight reasons why people cheat: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and situation or circumstance. Below, we explore each of these.

Anger

Some people cheat due to feelings of anger toward their partner. Instead of vocalizing their emotions, they seek revenge by having an affair with another person. Sometimes, if one partner cheats, the other engages in an unfaithful act, so their significant other can feel a similar level of pain as them.

Low Self-Esteem

Those who struggle with their self-worth may cheat on their partner as a means to feel more desirable, Glashow explains. Individuals with insecurities tend to seek validation from others, which can often lead to adultery. While taking the unfaithful route might give them a temporary boost of self-confidence, in the long-term, cheating exacerbates low feelings about oneself.

Lack of Love

If someone falls out of love with their partner, they may seek connection elsewhere. The beginning of a relationship, the honeymoon phase, is often filled with bliss, but once the intense feelings level out, instead of accepting the natural shift, they might seek that dopamine hit through an affair. Lack of love also applies to those who feel like their partner doesn’t show them affection, either physically or emotionally, which can prompt them to cheat.

Low Commitment

People who aren’t fully committed to the relationship they’re in or the person they’re with are more likely to cheat. If someone isn’t totally invested in the partnership, they may have a wandering eye, seeking out connections with others.

Need for Variety

In the early stages of a relationship, everything is new and exciting. As the union progresses, though, these strong emotions might falter, and the union might start to feel predictable or even boring. Though it’s a common and completely normal part of the evolution of romances, some might chase another love interest to experience that thrill again.

Emotional Neglect

For a relationship to thrive, both partners need to express and meet one another’s needs. If someone in the partnership isn’t getting their needs met, however, they might fill that void through infidelity. “Whether it’s feeling undervalued, unsupported, or misunderstood, unmet emotional needs can drive someone to seek validation outside the relationship,” Glashow points out. According to Jeff Yoo, licensed marriage and family therapist for Moment of Clarity Health Center, women are more prone to committing infidelity due to unmet emotional needs.

Sexual Desire

Physical intimacy is one particular need that’s important for relationships to flourish. If one person in the partnership is sexually unsatisfied, they might look to other sexual partners outside of the relationship to fulfill that unmet need. Men are more likely than women to cheat when there’s a lack of physical affection in their relationship, per Yoo.

Situation or Circumstance

According to Glashow, an affair can happen simply because the opportunity presents itself. This is usually the case with those who are in a vulnerable place in their relationship, such as with long-distance unions, or who don’t have a strong sense of personal boundaries. Relationship expert Kelly Campbell, PhD, also adds that those who are prone to cheating may find themselves in a compromising environment that leads to committing the unfaithful act.

Individual Risk Factors That Can Cause People to Cheat

Being attracted to another person or having a crush on someone else while in a committed relationship is normal—it only becomes a problem if they act on those desires. “All humans can be tempted,” Yoo says. “It comes down to the core of who the individual is.” Ahead, read about some of the individual risk factors that can increase the likelihood of cheating.

Unresolved Trauma

Those who experienced some sort of trauma, like emotional neglect or sexual abuse, as a child and never healed from it have a higher probability of cheating, according to Verywell Mind. Trauma can also stem from watching parents go through a difficult divorce or have an extramarital affair.

Attachment Style

Attachment theory asserts that an individual’s relationship with their primary caregiver in childhood influences their outlook on relationships in adulthood. Those with certain attachment styles, such as avoidant attachment and anxious attachment, are more likely to commit adultery due to their poor self-esteem.

Mental Illness

Some mental illnesses, like bipolar disorder and narcissism, are a risk factor. Since cheating is a result of poor impulse control, per Yoo, those who have extreme mood shifts may find themselves in an affair. Infidelity is also more probable with those who display narcissistic tendencies. Because people with this personality disorder lack empathy, they don’t consider how their behavior will affect their partner.

History of Cheating

There’s a strong possibility that those who cheated once may cheat again. If someone has a history of being unfaithful, they are three times more likely to cheat again, according to a 2017 study in Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Addiction

Any form of addiction, whether it’s alcohol, drugs, gambling, or sex, can increase the likelihood of cheating. Under the influence, people are more inclined to engage in risky behaviors.

Relational Risk Factors That Can Cause People to Cheat

Sometimes, there are issues within the relationship that can cause a person to cheat. Here are some of the relational risk factors that might be at play.

Emotional or Physical Abuse

If someone is facing physical or emotional abuse from their partner, they may feel unloved and unworthy, triggering the need to restore their low self-esteem by engaging in an affair.

Dissimilarities Between Partners

According to Campbell, incompatibility can lead to adultery. If partners have stark differences in their personality, education level, or background, they might feel compelled to cheat.

Unhealthy Communication Styles

Cheating is more common in relationships that have ineffective or even nonexistent communication. Instead of vocalizing their emotions or grievances, they try to cope with and resolve issues through adultery. Relationships in “high conflict,” Campbell says, where arguments are frequent, may also witness cheating.

How to Navigate Cheating in Your Relationship

If you’ve discovered the shocking revelation that your partner has cheated or has sustained an ongoing affair, you’re probably experiencing a whirlwind of emotions. To cope with the distressing aftermath, consider following these expert tips.

Feel Your Feelings

The first step is to take care of yourself and give yourself plenty of space to feel your feelings. “It’s OK to feel a lot of emotions, but it’s important to process those feelings before confronting your partner,” Glashow says. This will help you get in the right headspace, so you can calmly and assertively speak with your significant other—rather than act on an impulse. Since this can be an isolating time, talk to a trusted confidant, like a family member, a close friend, or even a therapist, about the thoughts and emotions you’re experiencing.

Confront Your Partner

After processing your emotions, it’s important to have a conversation with your significant other about the affair. If they were the ones to come clean, you might need a bit of time before addressing the issue. But if you’re the one who’s initiating the conversation due to a suspicion or even tangible evidence that your partner has cheated, Glashow advises staying calm and directly asking for the truth.

Decide on the Status of Your Relationship

If your significant other admits to the adulterous act, deciding whether to proceed with or end the relationship is completely up to you. Some choose to have ongoing sessions with a couples therapist to rebuild the foundation of their union. “Talking to a mental health therapist can help you explore your feelings and options in a supportive environment,” Glashow says. Others might have zero tolerance for adultery and decide to split from their partner. Whatever you decide, the “right” answer is the one that’s right for you.