What Is a Mother of the Bride's Role at a Wedding? Here Are 20 Duties Moms Need to Know About

Some bride's mothers are extremely involved in helping to plan their daughter's wedding days, while others prefer to take a back seat. But no matter which category she falls into, there are certain duties mothers of the bride are traditionally responsible for handling—and most of the time, these wedding-planning tasks become considerably easier with her at the helm. She's organized and steady, and you know she's great in a crisis. So if she's willing to hop on board, be ready with a list of mother-of-the-bride roles and responsibilities she can take on—and take off your plate.

We consulted top wedding planners Colin Cowie, Diann Valentine, and Lynn Easton to put together a comprehensive list of the ultimate mother-of-the-bride responsibilities before, during, and after the big day. While the majority of these duties are informed by tradition—these are tasks moms have been covering for decades—we also asked them about some additional modern ways moms can lend a hand when their kids tie the knot.

Pre-Wedding Mother-of-the-Bride Responsibilities

Attend Wedding-Dress Shopping Appointments

Traditionally, mothers accompany their daughters in their search for a wedding dress, and they're there to share in the joy of finding the right gown. Mom is definitely one of the most helpful people to have look at different styles with you, and, chances are, she'll be the one with the most honest feedback.

Assist With Venue Selection

Though where you tie the knot is a personal choice (and one you should make with your future spouse), this wedding-planning decision is often collaborative: What type of venue makes sense for your family at large? How far is too far if you're hoping to pull off a destination celebration that most of your loved ones can attend? Mom likely has the answers—or, at the very least, some constructive input—to these questions, which is why mothers are typically part of the venue selection process. Whether you need help narrowing down a destination or a second set of eyes as you tour top contenders, she's someone you can (and should) turn to.

Help Wrangle the Bridesmaids

We hope you won't need anyone to step in and run interference if bridesmaid mischief arises, but if you do, your mom can volunteer as tribute. While most disagreements should be resolved solely among the involved parties—we're all adults here!—perhaps Mom can offer to take the less-direct bullets. Is there a last-minute issue with a bridesmaid's dress? Ask Mom to help handle it. Are bridal shower plans going awry? Your mother can and should step in to ensure any issues are resolved and make sure your preferences on things like themes and games are communicated.

Research Ceremony Traditions and Find Family Heirlooms

It typically falls on your mom to uncover religious or cultural traditions you—or your partner's family—might want to incorporate into your ceremony. She can also help you find the something old or something borrowed, such as a stunning piece of jewelry that's been in your family for generations.

Perfect Wedding Invitation Wording

If you're opting for a traditional wedding invitation, those technically come addressed from your parents. Since her name is literally in print, it's nice to have Mom's opinion on the wording.

Help With the Guest List

If your budget or venue simply doesn't have the room, your mom is a great resource to help you trim down your list. She may also offer to have RSVPs routed her way, which she can then catalog on an online spreadsheet shared between the two of you.

Track Down RSVPS

Consider this mother-of-the-bride responsibility an extension of guest list creation. Inevitably, there will be several RSVPs you'll need some help hunting down. This is a task you can assign to your mom, if she's willing to take it on. She's the right woman for the job: Chances are, she knows a fair amount of the folks she'll need to contact, which is why it's better handed to her than someone further removed from the family (like a best friend maid of honor, for example).

Act as a Point Person for Vendors

Your mom should be the one whose name you give to the caterers, florist, planners, entertainers, and venue as your backup to field questions and assist in coordinating. "Set your mom up for success with a list of creative contacts and a message book solely for your wedding day," suggests Cowie. She'll most likely be the designated point of communication between you, the bride, your father, and your partner's parents on all things wedding-planning related.

Weigh in on Registry Picks

Mom has been around the home goods sections of department stores for a little longer than you (she taught you everything you know!). She's an excellent source to tap when it comes to identifying what you really need—and what you don't. What's the one thing she still treasures the most from her own registry? Which item does she wish she'd had the foresight to include? Be sure to ask her before you curate your big-day wishlist.

Provide a Second Set of Eyes

Whether you need someone to look over the fine print of vendor contracts, affirm your venue choice, or watch over a hundred other minor details in order to notice and fix problems before you've even become aware of them, Mom is there to help. She's the person you can—and should—call for a gut-check, and she should be prepared to offer her (constructive) opinions and advice when needed.

Find a Mother-of-the-Bride Dress She Loves

It's a bride's mother's responsibility to look and feel her best on her daughter's big day—after all, it's one of the most significant days in her life, too. That involves finding a mother-of-the-bride dress that both suits her personality and her daughter's overarching vision. It's also a good idea to coordinate with the mother of the groom to ensure your ensembles don't clash.

Wedding-Day Mother-of-the-Bride Responsibilities

Play Hostess on the Big Day (and Pre-Wedding Parties, Too!)

Whether she's handling your bridal shower, greeting out-of-town guests once they arrive at your welcome party, and making the rounds at your reception, the mother of the bride is the unofficial hostess and should always focus on helping each attendee feel welcome. That applies to the wedding day, as well: While receiving lines are not as customary these days, it's still important to greet or visit with as many guests as possible, explains Valentine.

Assist With Day-of Dressing

"Helping the bride into her dress and placing the veil is, and will always remain, such a sweet, time-honored tradition [for the bride's mom]," says Easton. It's a traditional mother-of-the-bride responsibility that shouldn't be skipped—you'll both cherish this moment for the rest of your lives.

Run Any Last-Minute Errands

From major mess-ups to minor mistakes, a bride's mother should be prepared to act if (and when!) things go haywire, particularly on the actual wedding day. A passport was left at home. Lipstick fell out of the makeup bag. Someone needs deodorant. In all these scenarios and more, a bride should be able to rely on her mom to save the day.

Take Part in the Ceremony and Reception

A bride's mother plays an active role during the big day's key events, starting with the ceremony. Though moms are typically escorted down the aisle by a close male relative (like a son or brother), she is perfectly welcome to walk her daughter down the aisle if her father isn't able to for whatever reason—or if that's simply the bride's preference (both parents accompany the bride in most Jewish weddings, for example). In a typical Christian wedding, the mother of the bride should be seated in the first pew directly before the ceremony; she usually leaves the church or chapel first afterward.

At the reception, a bride's mother should eventually find her place at the parents' or head table, if there is one, but only after completing the aforementioned greetings during the cocktail hour and at the start of the party.

Hit the Dance Floor

Though most mothers of the bride don't have a parent-child dance to prepare for during the reception, moms should still be ready to hit the dance floor when the band takes the stage. After all, everyone's job at a reception is to have fun—and that includes the bride's mother!

Provide Constant Love and Positive Reinforcement

No matter what, your mom should be there to support you on the big day and beyond. Sure, there may be tension—between you and your mom or your family and your partner's—but it should and will pass. When emotions run high, your mom should act as your rock.

Post-Wedding Mother-of-the-Bride Responsibilities

Help With Wedding Gift Returns

Whether you find yourself with duplicative gifts or want to make a few changes now that you've settled into married life, you'll likely have to wrangle a few registry gift returns in your wedding's aftermath. Feel free to tap your mom for assistance should you need some help making an in-person exchange or wrapping up items for shipment.

Take on Wedding Preservation Tasks

After the big day, there are a few preservation tasks you might want to consider, namely regarding your wedding dress and bouquet. Your gown will need to be cleaned before it is professionally prepared for storage—and you can and should feel free to ask your mom for recommendations on who is best for this job. And if you're hoping to preserve your bouquet? A bride's mom might want to take on this job as a post-wedding gift should you decide to have it dried and framed, pressed, or turned into something else entirely by a pro.

Act as a Sounding Board During the First Year of Marriage

The first year of marriage can be hard—there are often growing pains to work through as you and your new spouse adjust to married life. And while certain issues are private and should be kept between you and your partner, your mom will support you as you navigate these shifts. Whether it's offering non-partial advice or simply wrapping you into a hug after an argument, Mom will be there—like she always has.