8 Memorable Ways to Propose to Your Wedding Officiant

Brainstorming creative proposal ideas for your wedding party—from monogrammed robes for your bridesmaids to custom flasks for the groomsmen—can be one of the most exciting parts of kicking off the planning process. But don’t forget your officiant: The friend or family member you ask to play the most important role in your ceremony deserves just as thoughtful of an invitation. “This is the person who will be joining you and your fiancé together as a married couple!” says Carina Van Son of Sinclair and Moore. “Asking your officiant in a meaningful manner to take part in your wedding will jump-start the excitement and involvement for both the person officiating and you and your fiancé.”

Coming up with a creative and memorable proposal will also show your officiant how much you and your partner appreciate their role in your lives, strengthening their desire to put together a one-of-a-kind ceremony no one will ever forget, explains Kia Marie of Kia Marie Events. "This, in turn, can lead to a more heartfelt and personalized ceremony that reflects your unique bond. By putting extra thought into how you ask, you convey the importance of their role and demonstrate your gratitude and respect," she adds.

Luckily, there are so many ways to customize a proposal to honor your officiant, and we put together a list of ideas to help you find an option that's best suited for you. Read on for more.

Send a Proposal Package

A gift box filled with unexpected treats “adds an element of surprise and excitement,” says Kia Marie, who suggests tailoring your officiant package to include favorite foods, hobby essentials, monogrammed items, and photos or mementos of your relationship. Another approach? Send a box that prepares your officiant for the practical side of the job, says Van Son. Include necessities for the wedding day, “like a lapel microphone, cough drops, water bottle, and a nice pen for signing the marriage license,” she shares.

Write a Personal Note

Whether you prefer pen and paper or a typed request, “A heartfelt card or email can be a beautiful way to express your feelings,” says Kia Marie. “Consider including specific memories or anecdotes that highlight your bond, your reasons for wanting them to officiate, and a genuine expression of gratitude and excitement.”

That being said, while millennial and younger friends and family may not think twice about receiving your request via email, take the opportunity to get personal with a handwritten note, if possible. “An email might be a tempting way to reach out, but it doesn’t carry the emotion and heart that a card or phone call would,” Van Son explains. “Though today’s generations are digitally oriented, something like a card is slower, more intentional, and might be just the thing for a senior family member, mentor, or friend with an old soul. A thoughtful card is a great idea and especially fitting for someone who values something handwritten.”

Create a Customized Keepsake

Customizing a gift for your officiant is a meaningful choice, as long as you follow one simple rule: “Focus the gift on its recipient, and not on your wedding,” says Van Son. Skip your wedding date, your couple’s monogram, or “something that feels like a wedding favor” and instead consider your recipient’s interests and hobbies. “Do they collect bourbon? A personalized decanter is a great choice. Are they an avid traveler? Personalized travel accessories are always useful and appreciated,” adds Van Son. Both experts also suggest gifting your VIP a high-quality, customized notebook that’s both personal and practical: It provides a perfect spot for collecting thoughts, quotes, and memories your officiant can incorporate into your ceremony. 

Ask Them Over a Meal

Invite your prospective officiant for dinner (or brunch) at a favorite restaurant or at your home to create a cozy, private moment where you can ask them to participate in your wedding. “Not only do you get to share substantial time together visiting, but it provides an opportunity to talk through the request if this is something that the person might need to think about or process,” says Van Son. “Even if you know they will say yes, having a chance to talk about the wedding over the course of a meal creates a new memory together and allows for a head start in the ceremony planning process.”

Give Them a Call

In a perfect world, you could ask all your ceremony participants to join your wedding during a face-to-face conversation, but travel schedules and long-distance friendships don’t always allow this. “Asking your officiant with a phone call is simple, meaningful, something you can do together as a couple, and a great option for those who live out of town,” says Van Son. “It’s more personal than reaching out in writing. This is a chance to have a conversation with them about your intentions and vision of the ceremony and explain why they are your chosen person to officiate.”

To make the phone call especially memorable, Kia Marie suggests carving out time to have your chat so that you both are fully focused on the proposal. “Consider scheduling a time when you can have an uninterrupted conversation, expressing your sincerity and excitement through your tone of voice, [and] following up with a handwritten note or small gift to reinforce the sentiment," she adds.

Send Them Flowers (or Sweets)

A thoughtful note or enthusiastic phone call can be accompanied by a gift that serves as a subtle nod to your wedding-day aesthetic, says Van Son. “Say it with flowers—or sweets,” she explains. “If you have an idea of the floral agreements you hope to have at your wedding, or the general style and color, ask your florist to come up with a similar floral arrangement to give to your officiant. If flowers don’t seem like the right fit, the same idea could be applied with a sweet treat from your wedding baker.”

Create a Custom Officiant Kit

Make it easier for your friend or family member to say yes to your invitation by preparing a kit with all their need-to-know information. “This thoughtful gesture demonstrates your attention to detail and makes it easy for them to accept,” says Kia Marie. Include practical pieces—like details about the wedding weekend and logistics, ordainment paperwork, and potential scripts and readings—alongside a note explaining why you want them to join your ceremony. “It’s a lighthearted gesture, but it will also relieve them of some of the busy work needed to officiate,” says Van Son.

Film a Video Proposal

A DIY video proposal that you can send to your prospective officiant—or play for them in person—allows you to create a one-of-a-kind moment. “This approach adds a unique and personal touch, allowing you to convey your emotions visually,” says Kia Marie. “Consider incorporating photos, videos, or other multimedia elements that highlight special moments you've shared with the officiant, and adding music, text overlays, and other editing techniques to enhance the emotional impact of your message.”