A Complete Guide to Modern Wedding Vows

While every aspect of a wedding is meaningful, the vow exchange might just take the cake. During this part of the ceremony—which typically takes place after the readings and before the ring exchange—the future spouses share a set of promises that they plan to uphold throughout their married lives, symbolizing their commitment to one another. 

If you and your partner are religious or if you intend to hold a religious ceremony, you’re probably leaning toward reciting traditional vows based on your religion. But if the conventional oath doesn’t resonate with or appeal to you, you have full permission to revamp the conventional format and verbiage. After all, since these vows will be embedded in your union for eternity, the pledge should feel authentic to you and representative of your relationship.

Nowadays, it’s common for couples to put a modern spin on this time-honored tradition by writing modern wedding vows. Whether they blend traditional elements with personal ones or reimagine the entire script, personalized promises showcase the pair’s personality and relationship journey, creating a more sentimental and memorable experience for everyone in attendance. There are plenty of ways to customize this written commitment, such as sharing personal anecdotes, expressing your sense of humor, or crafting specific promises catered to your union, according to Meredith Falk, owner of GLDN Events. However you choose to edit the classic ceremony script, modern vows will set the tone for your marriage in a heartfelt, unique way. 

Want to learn more about modern wedding vows? Ahead, we’ve created a guide to these contemporary promises, including tips and examples from three professional wedding planners.

What Are Modern Wedding Vows?

Modern wedding vows are promises that the couple of honor writes in their own words and recites to one another during their ceremony, as they stand before their guests. They are heartfelt, personalized commitments—which often reflect their personalities, values, and senses of humor—that the pair pledges to uphold throughout their marriage. In addition to their future aspirations, many duos choose to pepper in stories about their shared past experiences and vocalize their love and admiration for their partner.

Unlike traditional vows, which have a standard format across the board, personalized pledges are flexible in terms of their structure, length, tone, and subject matter. Some might be long and formal, while others are short and sweet, but regardless, the sole focus of these phrases is the couple and their relationship.

A Template to Follow for Modern Wedding Vows

While there isn’t a hard-and-fast rule that couples must follow when writing their modern wedding vows, if you’re at a loss for words, we’ve got you covered. Below, we created a template of must-have elements to include in your adopted script.

Acknowledge Your Partner

At the beginning of your modern wedding vows, Cristen Faherty-Armstrong, owner of Cristen & Co., recommends acknowledging your partner and reasserting the significance of your special day, such as saying, “Today, I will take you, (insert partner’s name here), to be my partner in life.” To make your pledge even more personal, Falk suggests referring to them by their nickname—maybe one that only you use.

Tell Personal Anecdotes

Next, tell a few stories that capture the nature and evolution of your partnership. “Share a few memorable moments together, experiences or stories that made you fall deeper in love, that shaped your relationship, or that made you realize this person was the one for you,” Faherty-Armstrong offers as examples. “This is where you can really tailor your vows to you as a couple, bringing your personality into it.” These anecdotes can be sentimental, lighthearted, or even humorous; it’s completely up to you.

Highlight Your Partner’s Admirable Qualities

In your vows, you can also take a moment to highlight the characteristics that you love and value most about your partner. Maybe it’s their charisma, their work ethic, their generosity, or a long list of qualities you admire. 

Recite Your Promises

Now, it’s time to get into the heart of your modern wedding vows: the promises and commitments you intend to keep. Your pledge can include specific assertions, like making your coffee every morning or walking the dog every day; more general ones, such as making you laugh or encouraging you to chase your dreams; or a combination of the two. Whatever you include, Falk encourages you to draft vows that are personal, meaningful, and relevant to your unique relationship.

Share Future Aspirations

Some couples even share their hopes and dreams for their future together, such as raising a family, owning a home, or traveling to their dream destination. If there’s a goal you and your significant other have been talking about for years, consider incorporating it into your modern wedding vows.

Express Your Love

Finally, to conclude your handwritten promises, make sure to tell your partner you love them. In addition to uttering those three significant words, Faherty-Armstrong recommends capturing how they make you feel.

Tips to Consider When Writing Modern Wedding Vows

Finding the words to sum up your appreciation for your partner and your lifelong intentions can feel like a lot of pressure. Before putting pen to paper, keep these tips in mind.

Start Early

According to Lola Akingbade, owner of MasterPlan Events, it’s imperative that you start writing your modern wedding vows well in advance. If you wait until the last minute to jot them down, you’ll feel rushed and stressed, which will prohibit you from truly articulating your feelings. While you can write your vows at any point during the planning process, Akingbade advises having the final copy ready to go two weeks before you tie the knot. “Those last few weeks can be stressful and have a lot going on that it might be difficult to have time to write them,” she explains.

Set a Goal Length

While it isn’t required, before you start writing, Akingbade suggests discussing expectations about the intended length of your vows. “Some couples have a word limit just so the vows don’t go on forever and ever,” Akingbade says. Plus, by deciding on an estimated word count, one partner’s vows won’t outshine the other’s. If you still have more to say, write the sentiments in a letter or express them during your first look.

Discuss Anything That’s Off Limits

You and your partner can say virtually anything that you want in your modern wedding vows—as long as it’s within reason. There might be some stories that are deeply personal or even mildly embarrassing that you don’t want the entire crowd to hear. Be sure to let your future spouse know which anecdotes or memories you’re uncomfortable having out in the open.

Reflect on Your Relationship

While writing your vows can seem like a daunting task, having a brainstorming session will make the process a lot more manageable. Take time to reflect on your partner, your history, and your intended future. Then, write down all of the thoughts, memories, and stories that come to mind, per Faherty-Armstrong. Once you’ve gotten everything on paper, the planner suggests highlighting the details that are most impactful—use those as the basis of your vows.

Include Specific Details

Instead of listing off generic, noncommittal promises, be as specific as possible, referencing distinct moments that you shared and outlining actual intentions for your marriage. The level of detail you incorporate will make your modern wedding vows more powerful. 

Be Authentic

For most couples, the appeal of writing modern wedding vows is to personalize their special day and shape their marriage. This is only possible, though, with honesty. “Speak from your heart and be true to who you are and as a couple,” Faherty-Armstrong says. “Your vows aren’t for anyone else, just for you and your partner.”  

Workshop Your Draft

Unfortunately, your first draft probably won’t be your final copy. Once you have all of your words set on paper, read over your vows a few times, revising the structure, grammar, and clarity of your work. It’s also important to read these promises out loud, so you can identify and edit any areas you tend to stumble over.

Tips for Delivering Modern Wedding Vows

Writing your vows is only half the battle; the impact of your promises largely depends on your delivery. Luckily, to make the presentation as smooth as possible, there are steps you can take before and during your special day.

Schedule Several Practice Runs

You know what they say: Practice makes perfect. While you definitely don’t have to memorize your vows, in order to feel more comfortable and confident vocalizing them, rehearse your script numerous times out loud. “You can even record yourself and listen to it, so you know how you sound and if you need to make edits,” Akingbade mentions. “Recording yourself also lets you know roughly how much time the vows will take.”

Speak Slowly and Clearly

On your wedding day, when it’s time to recite your modern wedding vows, take your time. Speak slowly and enunciate every word. “When you are nervous, you rush,” Falk notes. “Go much slower than you think. Take deep breaths and talk into the microphone.”

Make Eye Contact

As you read your vows, look up every now and then to make eye contact with your partner. “Do not just look at the page or flash cards the whole time,” Falk instructs. “Remember, you are talking to your forever person.” Glancing over at your partner throughout your delivery will also help ground you and give you the opportunity to see their reaction.

Embrace Emotion

You might get emotional while reading your modern wedding vows. Whether you have a good laugh or you shed a tear, Falk encourages you to lean into your emotions. “It will make your vows more powerful and memorable,” she says. Just make sure a member of your wedding party has tissues on hand.

Examples of Modern Wedding Vows

In need of some inspiration? Read through these modern wedding vow examples to get the creative juices flowing.

Nostalgic Modern Wedding Vows

“When I looked into your eyes at our high school reunion, I was completely taken by you, just as I was in high school many years ago. When we met alone for the first time, I fell in love with you all over again. Tonight, in front of all of our friends and family, I want to give you this ring as a promise to be your lover and best friend, always. With all my integrity and the truth within me, for the rest of my life, I give my word of honor to keep myself for you and only you. I will be your strength in times of difficulties, your soulmate as we build our future together, and, most of all, your best friend to laugh with on our path of life. I promise as we grow old together, I will always hold your hand in mine.”

Poetic Modern Wedding Vows

“From this day on, I ask you to be my husband. To live with you and laugh with you; to stand by your side and sleep in your arms; to be a joy to your heart and food to your soul; to bring out the best in you, always; to share the joy with you in good times, stand by you in hard times; to mirror you with my soul; to share with you all my riches and honors; to play with you as much as I can until we grow old and still love each other sweetly and gladly depart from this earth.”

Romantic Modern Wedding Vows

“I love you. You are my truest friend; where you are is where I belong. Before you, I never believed in that one person who would make me whole. I believe now, and I can't even imagine my life without you. I promise to love you in the mundane, through the extraordinary, and especially when it doesn't come easy. I will encourage you, respect you, and love you all of my days. Your heart forever has a home in mine.”

Creative Modern Wedding Vows

“Do you take Kelli to be your lawfully wedded wife? To live together with her in marriage, promising to take her to all of the Seahawks games and Coachella with you? Will you love her, cherish her, give her the last of the chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, comfort, honor, and keep her? Do you promise to tell her she’s hotter than Ariana Grande, hold her hair out of the toilet in sickness, hike the Pacific Coast Trail in health; share a life of adventures, both big and small and forsaking all others, be faithful to her for as long as you both will love?”

Heartfelt Modern Wedding Vows

“I love your kind heart, your brilliant smile. You understand me, sometimes more than I know myself. Your eyes can tell me things without saying a word. I am happiest when I am with you. You make me realize what the word 'friend' really means. I vow today to love and cherish you; I commit to doing all that I can to make our life together full of discovery, friendship, and laughter and to spend the rest of my sunrises and sunsets loving you."

Inspiring Modern Wedding Vows

"Alex, I love you, and I can’t believe that today you are going to be my husband. I never thought this day would come, from the wild first adventure of a first date you took me on until now. I promise to always listen and communicate openly; to share in your hunting, fishing, construction joys and sorrows; and to grow with you in love and understanding. It’s going to be an adventure, and I know it will be the greatest adventure we ever go on—filled with highs and lows—but there is no one else on this planet I would rather experience it all with. Our journey is just beginning, and I can't wait to see where it takes us. I love you deeply, and I vow to be your faithful partner in all that life brings. Both good times and bad times, I am here for it all."