Parents Who Spent $50K on Their Oldest Daughter's Wedding Cause Family Rift After Refusing to Pay for Middle Child's Nuptials

Once you get engaged, it’s time to officially kick off wedding planning. And while you may want to dive right into venue tours, dress shopping, and interviewing potential vendors, determining your budget is a crucial first step. While you and your partner may decide to cover the costs of your upcoming nuptials yourselves, you may also turn to loved ones—including your parents—for financial support. These conversations aren’t easy, particularly when one party expects something that the other isn’t willing to give. Maybe your mother assumes that she’ll be able to invite 20 of her friends to your celebration due to her payment, or your partner’s father insists on hiring his favorite band for the reception if he covers the entertainment fee. However, during one bride’s financial conversation with her parents, they disclosed to her that they wouldn’t be contributing to her big day, even after giving her older sister $50,000 for her own nuptials years earlier. 

In a post on Reddit’s “AITAH” subreddit, the bride’s father posted about the familial conflict over the wedding costs. “So, I (50m) have three kids: Sarah (35f), Jessica (25f), and Ben (23m),” he wrote. “My wife and I had Sarah when we were both sixteen. It wasn't easy, but with both our parents' support, we could finish college while we raised her.” When Sarah went to college, the original poster and his wife weren’t able to support her, so she took out loans to cover the cost of her education. Wanting to avoid their younger two children having to do the same, he and his wife started saving—and were ultimately able to give them the gift of going to college with no debt. “Through all of this, Sarah never complained,” the OP added. “She finished her education, got a fantastic job, and could repay the loans in just three years while staying with us to save as much as possible. She has also helped us a lot with babysitting her younger siblings and has always been selfless and helped out in any way she could, maybe even to a fault.”

When Sarah told her parents that she was planning on tying the knot, the OP wanted to make up for his lack of support years prior. He and his wife ultimately decided to give her a $50,000 inheritance that the Redditor had received from his grandmother to assist with wedding-related expenses and a down payment on a house. However, now, his younger daughter expects a similar level of financial support for her upcoming nuptials. “She was quite surprised when I told her that we never discussed such plans, and even if we wanted to, we didn’t have the budget for it,” the OP wrote. “She told us it wasn't fair that we paid for her sister but would not do the same for her. I tried to explain the situation, telling her that in the long run, we spent twice as much on her and her brother as we ever did on Sarah.”

This decision didn’t sit well with Jessica. “She didn't take it well, left angry, and won't speak to us,” the user added. “My wife thinks we should maybe take out a small loan and give her the money because she isn't used to not talking to her kids and is sad she is being left out of the wedding preparations. She is even afraid of us not getting invited to the wedding.” However, the OP rejected such a proposal—and the situation only continued to escalate. “Now even Sarah is saying that this is getting out of hand and even offered to help pay half the money,” he wrote. “But personally, I'm at a point where I'd rather burn the $50k than give it to her.”

Even though his family may be divided over the expected wedding contributions, the internet wasn’t, ultimately siding with the OP and his decision. “One child got a funded education and one child got a wedding,” one person wrote. “I think college girl is probably an entitled brat because she got the higher ticket item.” Others mentioned how generous his eldest daughter is—compared to his second. “Sarah sounds like an incredible daughter for even offering to help give her younger, spoiled sister money that she’s not entitled to,” a user added. “You did something right there at least.” Others were even more blunt in their analysis: “Tell Jessica she's already gotten that money as a college payment.”