Everything You Need to Know About Wedding Toasts

Giving a wedding toast can be an incredibly intimidating and nerve-inducing task. Whether you're the parents of the bride or the groom's best man, knowing what to say, how long to speak for, and the best way to deliver your speech can be tricky. However, there is a recipe to follow. The best wedding toasts are sincere and humorous—but also concise, says Akeshi Akinseye, the founder of Kesh Events, a Chicago-based wedding-planning company.

"A great toast should be heartfelt, focusing on the couple’s journey rather than just a collection of funny anecdotes," Akinseye says. "It’s important to express admiration for the couple, share a personal story, and most importantly, offer meaningful wishes for their future together. This keeps the toast personal and avoids it becoming a performance or a meandering ramble. Simplicity, elevated with authenticity, is the key to delivering a great toast."

Before writing your toast, it may be helpful to know what to expect when you stand up to give your speech to the newlyweds. Here, we turn to the experts for everything you need to know about giving a wedding toast, including how long it should be, what to say, and, most importantly, what to avoid doing.

Who Gives a Wedding Toast?

Traditionally, the father of the bride, as well as the maid of honor, the best man, and the couple give toasts at the wedding reception. (The bride's mother and the groom's parents are also welcome to give a toast if they opt to do so.) While other family members or friends may want to share a few words, they should plan on doing so at the rehearsal dinner or at another pre-wedding event.

"I recommend limiting the number of toasts to no more than four or five," Akinseye says. "While more may be tempting, too many can dampen the mood of the reception. The best approach is to have the most meaningful individuals speak—typically, the father of the bride, the best man, the maid of honor, and sometimes the couple themselves. Keeping the list short ensures the toasts feel special without overwhelming the guests."

The Order of the Wedding Toasts

The hosts of the evening—typically the parents of the bride—will kick off the wedding reception, welcoming everyone to the celebration. Their toast is followed by the parents of the groom, if they choose to share a few words. The maid of honor and the best man will follow with their own toasts before handing the microphone off to the newlyweds.

However, don't be afraid to stagger your speeches. "It’s also essential to space them out during the reception to maintain energy and flow," Akinseye says. "Personally, I prefer not to have all the toasts delivered at once but split into two sections during the evening. The rehearsal dinner is also a great opportunity to accommodate additional toasts, allowing family and friends to speak while keeping the actual wedding reception focused and smooth."

How Long Should a Wedding Toast Be?

Your wedding toast should be meaningful but not drawn out. Make sure to have a beginning, middle, and end—within the given time frame. "Ideally, a toast should last between three to five minutes," Akinseye says. "Anything shorter may feel incomplete, and anything longer risks losing the audience’s attention. You want your toast to be short and sweet. A toast that drags on too long can disrupt the flow of the event and, frankly, may bore the guests. A concise toast feels thoughtful and well-prepared, which reflects the overall sophistication of the celebration."

What to Say During a Wedding Toast

Regardless of whose talking, most wedding toast templates cover the same ground. The speaker should hit the following, preferably in this order:

• First things first: Congratulate the newlyweds.
• Open with a statement or question (use humor if it feels right for you).
• Introduce yourself and define your relationship to the couple.
• Tell a meaningful, heartfelt story.
• Directly address both partners.
• Raise your glass and pass on your parting well-wishes for the couple.

Focus on poignant or light stories about the couple's bond; you can and should highlight how and when you knew they were just right for one another. Directly addressing both partners, regardless of who you are closest with, is another important wedding toast addition—it shows that you're cheering both parties on as they step into this new phase of life.

What Not to Say in a Wedding Toast

Your job when delivering a wedding speech is to keep things light—tell an anecdote, make an emotional connection, then wish the couple well before you close out. Anything that doesn't feel definitively positive should be avoided. "I would advocate against bringing up negative details, specifically past relationships or past spouses," says Fallon Carter, the founder and creative director of Fallon Carter Events. "Skip anything that you wouldn't want to be physically recorded and played over and over again—this is a rule of thumb."

Keep it light, delicate, and present- and future-focused, she adds. "If you're going to go into the past, make those stories really intentional," she says. "Bring those stories back to who they are now. Your mission is to create a great environment and vibe and to potentially give some information about one of the newlyweds, so that it's enlightening for all guests."